Ripples

Connections and Explorations

Yesterday was my friend Dom’s memorial. Around two hundred and fifty people gathered at a place that he had helped to create. Dom’s father and brother flew in from England. The last time I had seen his dad was at our old house here in Shell Beach about ten years ago. Yesterday I spoke with him and he said that he was learning a great deal about his son from his friends that he hadn’t known before. “Like what?” I asked. Like that he wasn’t just amusing himself and having a good time that he really built something- a successful real estate business, a large community of good friends and a solid happy (and a little complicated) family. As we stood chatting in this place that Dom had put his heart into (complete with a bar called “Shrubby’s” indicated by a small neon sign), surrounded by white flowers and photos of him throughout his life traveling and with friends and family I couldn’t help but smile - Dom had a life well. There is that place filled with people who loved him, his life was being reflected back.

There were so many familiar faces at his memorial (with a few more wrinkles, gray hair and a few more pounds added). I hadn’t seen most of them in about ten, fifteen, twenty-five years. We had all come together to remember our friend. Hugs. Tears. Promises to keep in touch. I hope we do. That would be a good tribute to Dom who spent most of his energies building things, helping people, making sure that all of us were heard and seen and bringing laughter into every interaction. I left feeling the love that he brought to my life. Thank you, Dom, for your generosity of heart, thank you for your kindness, thank you for having my back. I love you, Dom.

On a side note, I knew that Dom was a jokester, but at his memorial there were some examples of his good natured ribbing. One friend said that while he was on vacation that Dom broke into his house and hung a huge poster of himself over the mantlepiece. Another said that for his birthday Dom gave him a quilt with smiling pictures of himself and the friend’s wife on every panel. Gold. Dom.

So, what is a friend? I like the definition that Simon Sinek gives for friendships and relationships and community- it’s when people agree to grow together. You help one another. You have one another’s backs. Simon says (ha!) that if you agree to grow together that no matter what the outcome, you come out as better versions of yourselves. I love that way of looking at it because it is intentional, engaged and I believe it is true.