Reinventions happen as a choice when things can no longer stay the same. I’d like to take you along for this next reinvention. My name is Steph and I’m a children’s book creator. You can see my work Here. I’ve had a hell of a few years that left me living in a strange kind of limbo for an extended period of time, but now it’s time to step out of this liminal space.
It all began in 2011 or so when my then husband came home from grocery shopping and told me about this couple that he had seen in the parking lot of Trader Joe’s. They were older and looked disheveled sitting in the front seat of their Cadillac whose headlights were half-filled with water. He speculated that their present state was due to playing it safe, not taking risks or trying new things. This chance encounter and imagined narrative lead to a restlessness in him…
I was living a life I loved. I for sure had my complaints, worries and all of the usual human stuff. But, we had a home that we had renovated ourselves with an ocean view of the Pacific- our “casa”. At night, we slept with the windows open and the sound of the waves crashing. My sanctuary was the garden in back of the house where I spent my mornings tending the flowers, herbs and vegetables we grew and our “ladies” - a few thousand red wigglers living in a feeding trough (a birthday gift from my husband). I remember the sound of humming birds whizzing around and the vibrating feel of the air as they got close. We planned to make the entire space around the house into an edible garden with time. I had an art studio in the house with soft cork floors and shelves full of picture books. The community of writers and creatives I was part of had regular pow-wows in support of one another. My career was flourishing as a result. We had long time friends, yoga friends and friends from my step-son’s school. We loved to entertain and host play dates for the kids. We were healthy and happy- eating from the garden, taking yoga classes and had a rich meaningful life. I was married to my best friend and the love of my life.
My husband spent his days dreaming up his next business and eventually started one…he had finally found something he was in alignment with…and he had a super team to help- he had earned a masters from Babson, there was a Harvard Business School grad, a Wharton grad and angel investor, a cable t.v. mogul and the V.P. of one of the biggest lending companies in the U.S… Solid team.
So, in 2013 he found a project for the new company on a small island in the Indian Ocean neither one of us had ever heard of before. The project would take two years and would accomplish a few things. One, my husband would have another company to grow , two it would provide our son with a reset on his academics and a stable environment so he could just be a kid and three it would be a living abroad experience for us all.
In 2014 we packed 10 suitcases, asked a friend to take care of our casa, pet birds and garden. Before we left she gave us a copy of Graham Greene’s The Quiet American- which turned out to be prophetic. We then naively set off on our two year adventure to the antipode to our home. What could possibly go wrong?? Ten years later, the house is gone (the little island ate it), my step-son moved to New York to live with his mother and my husband was unlawfully detained by that little island’s government for three years (my years of insisting that the people we were dealing with were nefarious in their intent- vindicated…but, so what?) and we are sadly finalizing our divorce. “We had a spectacular marriage that took one hell of a beating,” said my soon to be ex-husband.
In late January of 2023, he was finally granted a trial and allowed to leave the little island with the help of a fleet of (expensive) lawyers, the State Department, Embassy and the truth. But he came back after having had an existential crisis while being trapped (we had no idea how long they might keep him- years? a lifetime? ). So, he constructed a new life and identity there while I sold everything we owned to support him, practiced stubborn optimism and waited for his return to the States. “You and me,” was our mantra- I still believed it. When he came back the “new” him left me. I was gutted- emotionally and financially.
I have been through my own existential crisis after a good deal of ambiguous grief since he suddenly headed off “on a new path” . Everything gone. Everything except friends and family…my work, my books and the ability to reimagine, redesign and leap.
As a kid my favorite book was about a mouse that had never been outside of her burrow. One day, a small pebble falls from the ceiling and a shaft of light streams into her underground home. What’s this? And so from there she explores the world. A little light has come in since the darkness and I’m going to explore the world again.
My re-imagining of a couple of scenes from Etienne Delessert’s book THEN.
I’m leaving here (Florida) in a short while. Packing up what I’ll need to illustrate and write. There is a box of unfinished manuscripts, a set of brushes and gouache paints, my favorite pencils (Mitsubishi 4B) and a stack of different kinds of paper. I downloaded music (Thievery Corporation, Latin/soul/beebop Jazz, Cheb i Sabbah…), audio books (Remarkably Bright Creatures, The Creative Act, Becoming Wise…), podcasts (The Illustration Department, Rich Roll, Impact Theory…) and maps. I have two suitcases with clothing, a yoga mat, hiking shoes, running shoes, swimsuits and a box of my favorite spices (including Penzy’s NOW curry, Trader Joe’s Soffritto, Furikake and a bottle of Louisiana hot sauce), a coffee grinder and French press. I am hitting the road to find home again. I think it will be California (the last place that felt like home), but I haven’t been there since before the pandemic…my friends are still there and I keep imagining the briny smell of the Pacific and the soft sound of being among the Redwoods- things I have been craving ever since our ill-fated move to that little island.
I’m starting this newsletter to share this next chapter with you. I would love to hear from you as I go along- I would appreciate your companionship, input, advice- questions. My hope is to provide you with something of value here- thoughts, insights, images of places and people along the way…art- the books I’m working on…
There is a more pressing reason for this newsletter- to create another income stream…a way for what I create to help support me as I begin anew, from scratch on my own. I am asking for your help. I have made this newsletter “free” because I trust that those who have been with me on my journey or who are invested in it will want to help. So, to clarify, if you want to receive this newsletter, there will be one “free” installment per month and if you want to contribute, you will get 4 per month- 3 “behind the scenes/in-depth” issues and you pay whatever you choose. This is an experiment... Putting this newsletter together will take effort and time and careful thought and a willingness to share I hope that you will consider backing me and growing with me in moving from a waiting space into the next chapter- an expansive, connected one with agency.
After a lot of hard work, my new Etsy shop will be open in the next week with products with my art on them available for purchase. I will also provide links here to buy my books and for upcoming events I’ll be involved in. In addition coupon codes and sales will be posted in upcoming newsletters for items in my shop including private commissions (Christmas is coming and it’s always someone’e birthday etc.)
I would love to hear your ideas, thoughts and feedback. I’m adding a “chat” for that purpose.
Thank you for you consideration, support and good vibes. Onwards!
I'm so proud of you, lovely Stephanie. Can't wait to see you!!!
Stephanie, sweet, talented and courageous friend. I have your back in the line-up girlfriend!